she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
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