I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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