When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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