I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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