He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i now understand why vodka
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
