I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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