you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
