you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
