If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
