Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
