toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
