Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
