I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
