Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
