she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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