They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
