You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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