my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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