Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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