Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
