Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
