We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
