YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
