I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
