I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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