i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
