I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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