don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
