Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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