Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
