It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
