I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
