just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
