I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
