I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
