got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We talked him into tasing himself.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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