Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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