Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
