Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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