I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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