glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
