please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
