38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
