i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
