I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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