So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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