I can tuck mytits in my pants
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
