The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
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