She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
