Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
